Category: lifting
How training can improve your dating…(not what you think)
When people come to me for training, they come in with all sorts of different expectations. Some are afraid that I’m going to yell at them.
I don’t.
Some are afraid that I’m going to ask them to do things they aren’t ready for.
I don’t.
Some of the single guys I train think that by improving their physique, women are going to throw themselves at them.
Sorry but they don’t.
Yes having a lean, toned, muscular physique can get you more looks, but nobody wants to get caught staring. I remember about a year or two ago, I took my daughters to a princess tea party event that was coordinated by Tony who I trained to win Mr. Gay USA 2022. At this event as I was leaving, I found myself face to face with two of the women that were there and had an interaction that became a core memory.
It went like this…
“Oh great, it figures that you’d be the one I was parked next to”
I was caught off guard and confused so I said “huh?”
“My friend told me you caught us talking and making a big deal about your pecs, arms and abs”
Me now realizing what was happening “Actually this is the first I heard of it…but thank you. I work hard and it’s always nice when it gets recognized.”
Now that the elephant in the room was actually acknowledged she laughed and said “well congrats on your physique” and her friend yelled out the car window “yeah good job on being a dad without the dad bod”
Now my kids were there, their kids were there, I’m married, they’re married and even if all that weren’t in place I doubt it would have gone any different. The only reason they even said anything was because they thought I caught them red handed. I guess they under estimated how oblivious I can be.
When guys come to me to improve their dating life by improving their physiques, I tell them learn to cook. That can not only help with your dating life, but can improve your physique as well.
Now can improving your physique make you look more attractive. According to the fitness indicator hypothesis study yes.
Can having a lean, toned, muscular physique improve your dating life? Absolutely, but maybe not the way you think it can.
A couple years ago, there was an article promoting the dad bod as the new thing women are into.
First, if the “dad bod” was really the thing that was considered most attractive, then they wouldn’t put lean, toned muscular physiques on the cover of romance novels. They put what they think will sell copies, and average doesn’t move merch.
Anyways I was curious about the content of the article and the main takeaway I got, was that the article was written from a place of insecurity.
Instead the way that improving your physique improves your dating life, isn’t necessarily in the way you look (though it helps) it shows you value yourself, that you have discipline, that you are capable, that you are willing to to show up even when you don’t feel like it, that you can commit and work through hardships. Those are all things that are desirable in a partner.
Raising your level of fitness enables you do do fun and interesting things because you are capable of them. Training represents a safe space to find out what you are capable of, which makes you feel good about yourself, the way you look and what you can do. That confidence, is the real magnet that attracts other people that feel good about themselves and changes your out look on life in general.
It’s not about the abs, its’ about becoming the best possible version of yourself. Who wouldn’t want to be with that?
If you need help with this, that’s what I do. I have a free trial, just send me a text at 973 476 5328 to get started.
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Eric Moss is a personal trainer in Boonton and moonlights as a world-record-holding modern-day professional performing strongman, author, and motivational speaker. In the tradition of the strength performers more common during the turn of the century, he performs feats of strength such as bending steel and breaking chains as part of a live show and travels across the country doing presentations on goal achievement for conferences, corporations, associations, nonprofits, and government entities as well as for schools and universities. His personal training studio is located on Main Street in Boonton New Jersey and is close to Mountain Lakes, Denville, Montville, Kinnelon, Pine Brook, Butler, and Parsippany New Jersey.
The problem with complicated plans and how to ensure success
Over the weekend I had an awful experience. The local football team was going to be playing in Giants Stadium, and my daughter is part of the cheer squad that supports them. I honestly don’t pay attention to football (though I enjoy studying different approaches to how the best in the world train) but I wanted to see my daughter cheer.
I missed it though.
The plan was to go back to the car, attempt to bring it closer and bring my daughter her stuff when the main game was over. What ended up happening was I got stuck in gridlock traffic, couldn’t get back in, had to break a few traffic rules and sweet talked a guard to letting me back in, but it was too late. Somehow I ended up by the visiting teams locker room.
The plan, had too many things that could have gone wrong…and some did. I should have voiced my disapproval and pitched a simpler plan but didn’t say anything before it was too late. When it comes to making plans, the more complicated it is, the more likely something is to go wrong. Less moving parts means you’re more likely to reach the destination without something breaking down.
Now when my personal training clients are making a big decision and they are torn about what to do, I have a simple 3 part exercise I have them do.
- Write out all the options.
- Then write out every possible thing that could go wrong with each option.
- Then next to the things that could go wrong, write out either a way that could prevent that from happening, or a contingency plan in the event that something like that does happen.
That exercise helps simplify and clarify what the best decision is, as well as what action steps need to be taken.
With some of the long term training plans I have laid out, some of them are very complex, involving multiple pages of spreadsheets and includes contingencies, just in case. To keep making progress for year after year after year takes a lot more thought than “Just work hard bro” or “You have to switch up the exercises” which is just a way for them to fool themselves into thinking they’re making progress.
As complicated as they are, there are simple patterns that emerge which I keep in a swipe file on my notepad on my phone which makes it simple for me to apply.
And just about every profession has different levels of potential complications and decisions. Among the people I train include doctors, lawyers, office managers, billing managers, sales professionals, first responders, investors, musicians, accountants among many other professions. Each profession involves making decisions that wear down your will power. With all the complications that come with their careers as well as managing home life and whatever else they have going on, at the end of the day, they just want someone to figure it out for them and tell them what to do…and have it actually work.
The way to ensure success is to keep it simple. The simplest way is to have someone set it up for you and tell you what to do, while they watch you to make sure you are doing it safely and effectively.
So if you want to actually achieve your goals, but aren’t sure where to start or how to get there, I offer a free trial at my personal training studio in Boonton. I’ll do the complicated part for you. All you have to do, is show up ready to rock. Just send me a text at 973 476 5328 and introduce yourself to get started.
Eric Moss is a personal trainer in Boonton and moonlights as a world-record-holding modern-day professional performing strongman, author, and motivational speaker. In the tradition of the strength performers more common during the turn of the century, he performs feats of strength such as bending steel and breaking chains as part of a live show and travels across the country doing presentations on goal achievement for conferences, corporations, associations, nonprofits, and government entities as well as for schools and universities. His personal training studio is located on Main Street in Boonton New Jersey and is close to Mountain Lakes, Denville, Montville, Kinnelon, Pine Brook, Butler, and Parsippany New Jersey.
Are you training too hard? A simple test
We are officially in the misinformation age. With deepfakes being created in seconds with AI and improving its going to get harder and harder to be able to spot the difference. And when it comes to misinformation the fitness industry is a frequent offender, so unless you have a trusted guide (like having a personal trainer such as myself conveniently located on Main Street in Boonton) you’ll have to kind of figure things out on your own.
But worry not, I’m here to help.
One piece of misinformation I’ll help clear up is the notion of “go hard or go home bro” and “pain is just weakness leaving the body”. Yes you have to train in a way that challenges you, but not go overboard with it. There is a sweet spot between too much and not enough and knowing the sweet spot is key to not only fast progress, but continual progress.
One client who I’ve been working with for sometime has been struggling with what may be left over from when she had covid a while back or it could be something to do with chronic fatigue syndrome. She also happens to be an avid runner and has some races coming up.
The challenge she faced was that even though her strength training is tightly restrained in order to keep her progressing, she also needed a way to do that with her runs. With having a race coming down the pipeline. Skipping the runs wasn’t an option.
So she needed a plan to still get the mileage in but also a way to track when she might be going to hard. I came up with a plan for her that used time as a metric (easy to track), have her doing nasal breathing (purposefully limits her speed) and also to track her resting heart rate and a unique test called that tap touch test.
If you look up cns tap test it’s a downloadable app. Not sure if it costs anything since I got it years ago. And the way it works is you tap it as fast as you can in 10 seconds. It tally’s up the number and you just keep track of it. If the numbers start dropping, maybe time to take it easy.
The reason this works is because when you central nervous system is starting to over do it, your fine motor control is one of the first indicators. This test is the canary in the coal mine. You can also just be observant if you start typing clumsily or have issues signing your name. Those all operate along the same principle, but the app is easier to track.
So if you are possibly overdoing it, try giving that a go or you can also have me take care of the complicated part for you. For me it’s simple to progress the things you can while staying in that sweet spot of training. All you would have to do is show up and work the plan, while I guide you through it. Simple as that.
And luckily I also offer a free trial so you can see if you like it first. Just text me at 973 476 5328 and introduce yourself to get started.
Eric Moss is a personal trainer in Boonton and moonlights as a world-record-holding modern-day professional performing strongman, author, and motivational speaker. In the tradition of the strength performers more common during the turn of the century, he performs feats of strength such as bending steel and breaking chains as part of a live show and travels across the country doing presentations on goal achievement for conferences, corporations, associations, nonprofits, and government entities as well as for schools and universities. His personal training studio is located on Main Street in Boonton New Jersey and is close to Mountain Lakes, Denville, Montville, Kinnelon, Pine Brook, Butler, and Parsippany New Jersey.