How training can improve your dating…(not what you think)
When people come to me for training, they come in with all sorts of different expectations. Some are afraid that I’m going to yell at them.
I don’t.
Some are afraid that I’m going to ask them to do things they aren’t ready for.
I don’t.
Some of the single guys I train think that by improving their physique, women are going to throw themselves at them.
Sorry but they don’t.
Yes having a lean, toned, muscular physique can get you more looks, but nobody wants to get caught staring. I remember about a year or two ago, I took my daughters to a princess tea party event that was coordinated by Tony who I trained to win Mr. Gay USA 2022. At this event as I was leaving, I found myself face to face with two of the women that were there and had an interaction that became a core memory.
It went like this…
“Oh great, it figures that you’d be the one I was parked next to”
I was caught off guard and confused so I said “huh?”
“My friend told me you caught us talking and making a big deal about your pecs, arms and abs”
Me now realizing what was happening “Actually this is the first I heard of it…but thank you. I work hard and it’s always nice when it gets recognized.”
Now that the elephant in the room was actually acknowledged she laughed and said “well congrats on your physique” and her friend yelled out the car window “yeah good job on being a dad without the dad bod”
Now my kids were there, their kids were there, I’m married, they’re married and even if all that weren’t in place I doubt it would have gone any different. The only reason they even said anything was because they thought I caught them red handed. I guess they under estimated how oblivious I can be.
When guys come to me to improve their dating life by improving their physiques, I tell them learn to cook. That can not only help with your dating life, but can improve your physique as well.
Now can improving your physique make you look more attractive. According to the fitness indicator hypothesis study yes.
Can having a lean, toned, muscular physique improve your dating life? Absolutely, but maybe not the way you think it can.
A couple years ago, there was an article promoting the dad bod as the new thing women are into.
First, if the “dad bod” was really the thing that was considered most attractive, then they wouldn’t put lean, toned muscular physiques on the cover of romance novels. They put what they think will sell copies, and average doesn’t move merch.
Anyways I was curious about the content of the article and the main takeaway I got, was that the article was written from a place of insecurity.
Instead the way that improving your physique improves your dating life, isn’t necessarily in the way you look (though it helps) it shows you value yourself, that you have discipline, that you are capable, that you are willing to to show up even when you don’t feel like it, that you can commit and work through hardships. Those are all things that are desirable in a partner.
Raising your level of fitness enables you do do fun and interesting things because you are capable of them. Training represents a safe space to find out what you are capable of, which makes you feel good about yourself, the way you look and what you can do. That confidence, is the real magnet that attracts other people that feel good about themselves and changes your out look on life in general.
It’s not about the abs, its’ about becoming the best possible version of yourself. Who wouldn’t want to be with that?
If you need help with this, that’s what I do. I have a free trial, just send me a text at 973 476 5328 to get started.
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Eric Moss is a personal trainer in Boonton and moonlights as a world-record-holding modern-day professional performing strongman, author, and motivational speaker. In the tradition of the strength performers more common during the turn of the century, he performs feats of strength such as bending steel and breaking chains as part of a live show and travels across the country doing presentations on goal achievement for conferences, corporations, associations, nonprofits, and government entities as well as for schools and universities. His personal training studio is located on Main Street in Boonton New Jersey and is close to Mountain Lakes, Denville, Montville, Kinnelon, Pine Brook, Butler, and Parsippany New Jersey.
why you should quit
I’m on a number of email lists. Half the time when my apple watch dings, I look and it’s just an email from someone who at one point might have said something that wanted me to know more. Most of the time it’s garbage, but every once in awhile I get something good.
In this case it was Arnold Schwarzenegger’s newsletter, which is actually one I do read because I get some decent gems out of it. In this case it was about “quitters day“.
Quitters day January 17th is the day that statistically speaking most people quit going to the gym. Attendance to the gym spikes in the first 2 weeks and has a huge drop in days between Jan 16th and Jan 19th. This past Saturday was January 17th.
Ironically on January 16th, I did a motivational strength performance at my kids school where right before bending a steel bar (showed above) I told them not to quit because they could be as little as 3 seconds from success. And on January 19th I signed up a new person to start my training program.
So how does this relate to you? Why am I encouraging you to quit?
I’m not saying to quit your goals, I’m saying that if your approach hasn’t been working (assuming you’ve given it enough time to actually take effect) then maybe it’s time to quit the approach, but stay true to the goal.
I have a quote that I say to my clients.
“If you do the right things, the right things should happen. If they aren’t happening then the right things aren’t the right things, they’re the wrong things.”
The person I signed up previously had trainers, but the trainers in an effort to make him strong were overly aggressive at putting more weight on the bar, and he ended up hurting himself in the process.
Yes, you should strive to put to put up heavier weights. Progressive overload is the mother of strength training but that’s not necessarily every time, that’s over time. Some of my programs take over a year before adding load (configuring the other programmatic variables to continue to make gains without having to add load).
Every time you add weight to the bar, it should be a calculated risk. In my training programs the addition of weight is calculated in advance by looking at the primary training variables (load, volume and density) before adding it. Start within your limits, and expand them until your sub-maximal passes the maximal without issue. That is key within my personal training programs.
And yes, it can be confusing, but don’t give up on your goals, give up on the ineffective approach that hasn’t been working. If you need help I offer a free trial of my personal training program and can do the complicated part for you. There is something highly effective about having a specific place you go where that’s what you do when you are there, plus someone waiting for you with a plan when you arrive that actually works.
All you have to do is send me a text at 973 476 5328 and introduce yourself. Then stay committed to the process because the process works like gangbusters.
Eric Moss is a personal trainer in Boonton and moonlights as a world-record-holding modern-day professional performing strongman, author, and motivational speaker. In the tradition of the strength performers more common during the turn of the century, he performs feats of strength such as bending steel and breaking chains as part of a live show and travels across the country doing presentations on goal achievement for conferences, corporations, associations, nonprofits, and government entities as well as for schools and universities. His personal training studio is located on Main Street in Boonton New Jersey and is close to Mountain Lakes, Denville, Montville, Kinnelon, Pine Brook, Butler, and Parsippany New Jersey.
The problem with complicated plans and how to ensure success
Over the weekend I had an awful experience. The local football team was going to be playing in Giants Stadium, and my daughter is part of the cheer squad that supports them. I honestly don’t pay attention to football (though I enjoy studying different approaches to how the best in the world train) but I wanted to see my daughter cheer.
I missed it though.
The plan was to go back to the car, attempt to bring it closer and bring my daughter her stuff when the main game was over. What ended up happening was I got stuck in gridlock traffic, couldn’t get back in, had to break a few traffic rules and sweet talked a guard to letting me back in, but it was too late. Somehow I ended up by the visiting teams locker room.
The plan, had too many things that could have gone wrong…and some did. I should have voiced my disapproval and pitched a simpler plan but didn’t say anything before it was too late. When it comes to making plans, the more complicated it is, the more likely something is to go wrong. Less moving parts means you’re more likely to reach the destination without something breaking down.
Now when my personal training clients are making a big decision and they are torn about what to do, I have a simple 3 part exercise I have them do.
- Write out all the options.
- Then write out every possible thing that could go wrong with each option.
- Then next to the things that could go wrong, write out either a way that could prevent that from happening, or a contingency plan in the event that something like that does happen.
That exercise helps simplify and clarify what the best decision is, as well as what action steps need to be taken.
With some of the long term training plans I have laid out, some of them are very complex, involving multiple pages of spreadsheets and includes contingencies, just in case. To keep making progress for year after year after year takes a lot more thought than “Just work hard bro” or “You have to switch up the exercises” which is just a way for them to fool themselves into thinking they’re making progress.
As complicated as they are, there are simple patterns that emerge which I keep in a swipe file on my notepad on my phone which makes it simple for me to apply.
And just about every profession has different levels of potential complications and decisions. Among the people I train include doctors, lawyers, office managers, billing managers, sales professionals, first responders, investors, musicians, accountants among many other professions. Each profession involves making decisions that wear down your will power. With all the complications that come with their careers as well as managing home life and whatever else they have going on, at the end of the day, they just want someone to figure it out for them and tell them what to do…and have it actually work.
The way to ensure success is to keep it simple. The simplest way is to have someone set it up for you and tell you what to do, while they watch you to make sure you are doing it safely and effectively.
So if you want to actually achieve your goals, but aren’t sure where to start or how to get there, I offer a free trial at my personal training studio in Boonton. I’ll do the complicated part for you. All you have to do, is show up ready to rock. Just send me a text at 973 476 5328 and introduce yourself to get started.
Eric Moss is a personal trainer in Boonton and moonlights as a world-record-holding modern-day professional performing strongman, author, and motivational speaker. In the tradition of the strength performers more common during the turn of the century, he performs feats of strength such as bending steel and breaking chains as part of a live show and travels across the country doing presentations on goal achievement for conferences, corporations, associations, nonprofits, and government entities as well as for schools and universities. His personal training studio is located on Main Street in Boonton New Jersey and is close to Mountain Lakes, Denville, Montville, Kinnelon, Pine Brook, Butler, and Parsippany New Jersey.